The Aubergenius

My Little Ponies

2009-04-24T12:58:00.002-04:00

Now, it would be mighty easy to expound on Tyra Banks' role in the breeding of these fancy ladies... but we all know Tyra is bald. Always has been.

This is truly magical weavery. Behold.

Tonight's Today

2009-03-10T12:13:00.000-04:00

Today's Tonight

music monday

2009-02-16T15:45:00.000-05:00

Yeasayer: TIGHTROPE

no New York dates set; check 'em @ BONNaROO (and everyone else you listen to)

Metric: HELP, I'M ALIVE

Fantasies out April 14th, tour dates not set.

Chairlift: EVIDENT UTENSIL

next New York date @ santos party house March 7th

Little Boots: HOT CHIP COVER FEATURING THE TENORI-ON

missed NY show last week because it was too damn cold to walk to Studio B; look for a show date near you, if you live in Austin.

Glasvegas: GERALDINE

next USA show @ SXSW; look for New York show dates in March

Just Duckie

2009-02-16T11:10:00.000-05:00

For once I don't have anything snarky to say on the following topic, because it was genuinely exciting. (don't think I've gone soft, though) I was a dresser at the Duckie Brown show in the tents last Friday, and while I've been backstage at the Mercedes Benz Fashion Week before to do press-type things, actually being involved in the production, under the big top, was such a great experience.

And for those of you who've never been inside the circus, know that the portable johns available are probably nicer than your bathroom at home. Not my bathroom at home, though - there are limits to portable luxury.

One of my little dressing stations:

Lovely fellow dressers. We got there at 10:30 and then just kind of stood around lint-rolling for 3 hours. Not sure why they had us show up so early... The dressing room:
I instructed Blue Steel and they said they only knew Magnum:
There was lots of milling, but not much working:
The ponies at the gate:
praying the free gift at the end of the show isn't the pom pom hat:

It wasn't - it was actually these pretty fabulous Duckie Brown for Florsheim wingtip ankle boots. From the looks of things in the dressing room, though, I hope the boys can trade them on the street for Creatine. Or burgers.

As Cool As Peppermint Ice Cream

2009-02-06T11:51:00.000-05:00

Mr. T wants you to be somebody, unless your name is Calvin Klein, Bill Blass, or Gloria Vanderbilt. He also wants you to wear clothes, because otherwise you'll get arrested. Very wise.

I know what you're thinking - WHAT the hell is Mr. T, anyway? Is he a nutjob? An alien? Dutch? Allow me (um...Wikipedia, really) to put dispel these nasty rumors:

-Real name is Laurence Tureaud, from Chicago
-Grew up in housing project with 11 siblings
-Was a military policeman
-Became a bouncer, where "His wearing of gold neck chains and other jewelry was the result of customers losing the items, leaving them behind at the bar/night club after a fight, or being removed from the place. A customer would not have to re-enter or even have to see anyone else again if Mr. T wore their jewelry as he stood out front."
-Eventually the chains took up to an hour to put on.
-The mohawk was inspired by a Mandinka warrior in a National Geographic
-The raps in Mr. T's video "Be Somebody...Or Be Somebody's Fool" were written by IceT...including "Treat Your Mother Right"
-In 1995, he was diagnosed with T-cell lymphoma.
-In 2005, Mr. T stated that he would never wear his chains again, in response to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina (though he's been spotted with a few chains since)
-He breeds horses

Janice and Donatella, together at last!

2009-02-05T11:22:00.000-05:00

I was just perusing Jezebel, and an image they posted of Donatella Versace just, like, slapped me in the face with her resemblance to Ron Perlman in the Beauty and the Beast TV show, in the late 80s. Lookit:

They must have the same special fx makeup artist. Further reserach into darling Dona revealed the internet feels she's been separated at birth a few times...

Eh, maybe:

Definitely not:

OH HELL YEAH:

The Baconator (See also: Bacon Explosion, Redneck Sushi, Arterial Motives)

2009-02-02T12:30:00.000-05:00

We accidentally threw ourselves a little Super Bowl party last night. "Accidentally" meaning the attendance had a balloon effect, and suddenly there were 40 people trying to share 4 pairs of 3D glasses. No worries, we love our friends, and their friends, and their friends...and I always overmake chili anyway.

The game was really good (I hear, anyway...it was tough to get near the tv), and Springsteen's ballplant was even better, but I have to say the highlight of the entire event was Alison and Mark's attempt at making the recently famed "Bacon Explosion." Is this the first official food meme? They very gamely photographed the process:

First the bacon weave:

Then you squish a bunch of sausage on top of it, plus more bacon crumbles:

The sausage looked tense:

The you roll it on up:

The little bundle of joy:

Mark demonstrates the lid of the incubator:

unsafe practices:

Tada!! She's born:

Now imagine wrapping that thing up and carrying it to another burrough on the back of a motorcycle. It needs a sidecar!

Bunny wars

2009-01-31T02:37:00.000-05:00

Upon further examination, I see that it's this bunny, from Fuck You, Penguin that truly deserves the "have you ever...really, have you ever" 2009 title.

Bunny BLAMMM!!

I mean...have you ever? Effing no, I'd say.

7 Scoops

2009-01-29T11:21:00.000-05:00

Scoop 1: Rosie (Lucy Stoner?) was kind enough to share a photo from the Museum of Natural History last week, where she fell upon a fashion shoot amongst the stuffed animals. I appreciate things like this, i.e. the intersection of 17 year-olds in 35K wedding dresses and artist's liberal recreation of paleo-critters, born from the discovery of a thigh bone in Minnesota. Ahh Spring fashion issues.

model museum-goers
Originally uploaded by trixiebedlam

It's kind of pointless to guess what magazine this is for (of course I must anyway: Elle?), but the museum can't come cheap ($15 museum admission, but if you wanna see the butterflies it's $24 more?!), and who's got money to throw around these days? Domino folded yesterday, which is the last place I worked before I became a moderately successful sell-out. Moderately successful meaning I can pay my bills comfortably for the first time...um...ever. I'm going to think of 2008 as the year I learned how to dodge bullets. And moved to Park Slope. And you know what? I'm ok with that. Yuppies live gooood. They buy things like Scoops 2 through 7:

And who doesn't need 6 scoops? I know what you're thinking - the only scoop you really need is for cat litter, right? Well you know what? Stay in Bushwick.

Bunny Bonus

2009-01-23T17:18:00.000-05:00

I don't mean to go all cute overload on you, but I came across this, and, like...have you ever? I mean really, HAVE YOU EVER??

I bet he'd be divine with a mustard sauce.

I Stand Ammended

2009-01-22T14:24:00.000-05:00

First, a moment of totally rad silence, in observance of another beautiful Freddie Mercury Friday.

...

...

Moving on. Over a slimy green meal at Kenka Wednesday night, Gabe suggested I might have missed the mark on my compendium of the pretty young things of fashion design. Apparently I don't know everything. Weird.

There was a notable lack of male representation, further confirming our suspicions that Gabe doesn't have teh geigh. Check out these total babes:

Abigail Lorick:

Truus and Riet Spijkers of Spijkers and Spijkers:

Lisa Mayock and Sophie Buhai of Vena Cava (the only truly grievous omissions from my original list):

Chrissie Miller of Sophomore:

First Laydeez

2009-01-20T14:10:00.000-05:00

I love how Brian Williams et al are talking about indie designers and what the President's children are wearing during MSNBC inaugural coverage, and how hilariously stunned they are to find themselves doing so.

I, the entire fashion world, and apparently Brian Williams are all very eagerly anticipating what the First Fam (eh...Lady, really) will be wearing tonight, so as a teaser let's look back at The Inaugural Ball Gowns from the last 5 decades.

Jackie Kennedy, 1961:

Lady Bird Johnson, 1965:

Pat Nixon, 1969:

Rosalynn Carter, 1977:

(I believe this was taken after the ball. She looks positively beat.)

Nancy Reagan, 1981:

(Her gown, by James Galanos, was reportedly very expensive. What a rockstar.)

Barbara Bush, 1989:

Hillary Clinton, 1993:

Laura Bush, looking dowdy in 2001:

and then kinda aight in 2005:

Michelle Obama in 2009:

wheeeee!

EEEeeeeeeeeeiiiiI!!

2009-01-20T11:04:00.000-05:00

OMG, 35 minutes til the inauguration! Don't worry, I won't waste your time freaking out, as I'm sure you're busy with your own freak-out, but here's a lil fashion update I learned while getting teary up on the treadmill this morning:

Michelle's wearing Isabel Toledo this morning! A fellow FIT alum. It's kind of too yellow and too sparkly for my taste, but she still looks beautiful, and I'm sooooo curious to find what she'll wear to the ball.

OMG I've got chills now. CHILLS!

Redheaded Steppinoutchildren

2009-01-15T16:59:00.000-05:00

I can't say what it is exactly, but I love the ethereal glow of a good-looking redhead. Toss it in the "Different is Beautiful" file, along with grey eyes, aquiline noses and high, transparent foreheads (on the ladies, anyway). I dyed my hair red for years, albeit with limited success - it usually faded to a rosy taupe in a couple weeks. Yeah. All the ladies with a Tori Amos phase, holler back.

Fortunately, my advancing years have taught me the two things I was doing wrong:

1) I wasn't born a Finnish sprite(from Hel-looks),

and 2) I wasn't born English dandy candy. (from Face Hunter)

Skin deep

2008-12-22T17:25:00.000-05:00

Oh baby, I didn't mean to leave you. Sometimes mummy just needs a month-long cocktail break to sand down those rough edges.

Today's topic: Hot designers who are actually hot. Keeping in mind designers are just regular old working folk like you and me (well...maybe you, anyway), it's kind of a genetic coup when they manage to wrestle the brains AND the beauty nod from their hypercritical peers. I guess they say it's the inside that counts, but I say THANK GOD FOR SKIN!

Charlotte Ronson:

It's not so much her face, though she's cute enough...it's those bangin stems, always teetering on the high high heels. Bam! Bam!

Chris Benz:

Is this a headshot for his Twilight audition?

Alice Temperley:

This is actually a really good photo of her, but she's so English countryside fresh anyway, don't you want to throw on some wellies and chase her down the bridleway all afternoon?

Laura Poretzky of Abaete:

Just, you know, incontestably pretty. And her wardrobe is full of Abaete clothing, so she looks awesome all the time. Eff.

Hedi Slimane:

This one may not be for me, but it certainly is for every gay man born between '58 and the aughts.

Rachel Roy:

Man I wish I could hate her, but she looks SO NICE.

Georgio Armani:

Ok, know what? Whatever. He looks awesome.

Alexander Wang:

In this photo, I believe the sage is bestowing the wisdom of flawless déshabillé to his disciples.

Behnaz Sarafpour:

Shiny hair, firm tatas, glowing smile. She's not 23, but I think she's radiant.

Johnson Hartig and Cindy Greene of Libertine:

I guess you could say they err to the "average" side of cute, but they walk around with their dapper canine friend all like, 'hell, I'm not even gonna try to top Lulu's top hat there, I'm just gonna throw on this flight suit and 6 ties and be done with it."

What exactly is it that you do all day?

2008-11-25T14:31:00.000-05:00

I go to F.I.T. for Fashion Design, but maintain a dayjob so I can support my ultra-glamorous lifestyle of going to work, running to school afterwards, then doing homework until 3am. I've had lots of friends ask me if I'm "done yet, for godsakes?", but I just started in January 08, so I think my friends are actually from the future. Neat.

Anyway. Here is the first draft of a design project I'm working on now for an art class. We had to pick a certain time period between 1600 and 1800, and use that as inspiration for one bridal and one evening gown. I chose 1600 to 1650. You wouldn't believe how hideous clothing was back then, so I figured I hadn't any face to lose on the design.

hubba hubba.

These are just a few of the rough drafts, but you get the idea:

Iceland street fashion

2008-11-23T16:37:00.000-05:00

Did you know all Icelandic girls look like fairies? They're all scathingly hot with perfect noses, and dress solely to amuse themselves. There's not enough room in the suitcase to keep up with them if you're just visiting, so it's probably just best to wear your little black outfit every night until it's too beer-stiff to climb into anymore, and leave the fantasy costuming to the professional elves.

Gabe, this is the only street photo I took, and also the point at which I decided that I was going to stop trying, because I'm no photographer, and just soak it alllll in, man.

2008-11-21T12:24:00.000-05:00

Maybe I've turned into a little bit of a hater lately, but I really can't be blamed. Every time I turn around there's something new in my path that's very, very stupid. Today's topic: weird things involving eyeballs.

3: Eye jewelry. As in, a contact lens with tiny jewels or crystals dangling from it, attached by micro-thread. Thank artist Eric Klarenbeek for this one. Sure, he's an artist, but I'm not known for issuing artistic licenses, so I judge him as I judge you. Without mercy. As I see it, the basic function of jewelry is seduction...would you hit that??

2. Eyeball implants. Inexplicably cute little titanium objects (hearts, stars, clovers...more Lucky Charms than the usual body modification icons of, like, Satan) inserted into the surface of your eye. Yeah. Supposedly you could get this done in the Netherlands (surprising noone with that, I assume) in 02...this website would suggest it continues, in case this has awakened a burning desire in you.

1. Eyeball tattooing....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Know what, dude? And I'm sorry you had to get your effing eyeball tattooed before somebody told you this, but that thing you've done to yourself right there? That's permanent makeup. Might as well be trailer park eyebrows.

Just be glad I didn't post the pic of them actually DOING the procedure, kay.

La Mode Est Agaçante

2008-11-21T01:35:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to apologize for being away for so long. I'm just not.

I am going to give you a special treat, however.

A peek into the world of fashion which you did not ask for and I very much doubt will appreciate: the incredible phenomena of the fashion aristocracy trying to out-do and out-irritate each other. Observing it in the wild, as the below video shows, is especially striking - watch how the children loiter in innocence and curiosity, so unknowingly close to the heart of darkness-of-indeterminate-age.

Fear not, you really only need to watch the first 15 seconds:

IN THE LEFT CORNER, we have Diane Pernet, who made her name as a fashion designer in the 80s, as a fashion journalist with Vogue and Elle, and with her fairy popular fashion blog, A Shaded View.

IN THE RIGHT CORNER, weighing in at what must be 400 lbs with that seasonably inappropriate fur, we have Catherine Baba, a widely recognized, though biographically stunted, stylist. Pretty sure she lives in France at the moment, but I would bet dollars to donuts she's American, somewhere deep, deep down. The accent sounds somewhat like a Long Island grandmother extolling the virtues of her French Provincial divan cover.

Who won, here? I think we should have a vote on this...

A big day for sticks everywhere

2008-11-07T10:34:00.000-05:00

This isn't JUST an important time in American politics. This week the stick was inducted into the Toy Hall of Fame, joining other childhood favorites such as the bicycle and the...um...cardboard box.

Don't worry matches, your number will be up soon enough.

So THIS is what hope feels like

2008-11-05T16:17:00.000-05:00

Pretty unbelievable, huh?

So I did a little poking around and found out what I KNOW you all were wondering last night, as the adorable First Family-to-be filed, glowing and giggling, onto the stage. WHAT is Michelle Obama wearing? So bold, so unusual, so...well, kind of hard to look at on a tv screen...

(btw, I ganked the above from nymag.com)

It's Narciso Rodriguez, Spring 09, and whether I have particular le boeuf with this choice of outfit, I absolutely LOVE that we're going to have a strong, signature style in the White House. The family's so clean and cool and, though I don't necessarily support the term, all-American!

Reminds me of the following Verbal Cartoon from Dan Liebert:

Family.

A family is like the fingers of a hand: each finger is weak but together they can make a fist to beat up other families who don't know the "fist trick."

I'm a sucker for familial coordination myself, though one has to wonder how long the girls are going to stand for it.

I give the older one two more years before she shaves her head.

Side note, I LOVE THIS PHOTO:

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesoexcited!!!!!!!

GOBAMA!

2008-11-04T10:34:00.000-05:00

Unfortunately, in real life I received nothing, not a sticker or a pin, in exchange for fulfilling my civil responsibility. This may or may not affect my ability to collect on my free extra scoop at Ben & Jerry's today, but my elation at today FINALLY coming around is sweet enough. Also, my dresses have been a little tight lately.

My Extremely Fierce Friend Deirdre and I Do Iceland Airwaves Blue Lagoon Party

2008-10-29T09:21:00.000-04:00

D and I went to the Iceland Airwaves music festival. I could tell you that she's my 24-Hour-Party Partner-In-Crime, but you really just have to look at this face to know you've got a fierce competitor here:

Most of the music-viewing kind of looked and felt like this:

Considering portraits of modestly successful Indie musicians are dull even when they're NOT taken from the back of the venue, I'll spare you those, and give you instead these photos of a rave on the moon.

Every year the Blue Lagoon hosts a dance/hangover party on Saturday - they bus you out from Reykjavik about 45 minutes to this spa facility. It's pretty much just for the tourists, but whatever.

The air was probably in the mid-30s, and the water was bath-warm but not hot. Deirdre says it's the only place you can get pregnant without having intercourse. It doesn't help that the mud at the bottom is this white, slimy silt.

Here she is, pondering immaculate conception:

Everyone was friendly...

...in a weird kind of Burning Man way, if Burning Man was high on arctic circle air and Viking beer instead of idiotic legwear.

DJ Margeir was spinning housey stuff. It was ok - coulda done with maybe a little rock or hip hop, but the only move you could do in the water, really, was to jump up and down. Jay-Z probably would've just lead to confusion.

You had to get out of the water to get beer, which seemed somewhat sadistic of the planners.

By the end you were treading on plastic cups, but I don't want to sound like a hater (as per usual). It was nice and surreal.

Whoa where'd everybody go?

2008-10-28T17:36:00.000-04:00

Ohhhh, that's right. Everybody went to Iceland! I've been back for a week, and while I'm still kind of reeling from the relative idiocy of taking three days off from school during midterms, boy oh boy am I happy to be here. Roughly this happy:

I have fun Icelandic things to bring back to you as well, but you'll have to wait on those til I pull my head out of my class. Here's a shadow puppet of things to come:

2008-10-17T14:19:00.000-04:00

Notices of Ettiquette: Iceland

The attitude toward punctuality is more casual in Iceland than in other parts of Europe. You will be forgiven for lateness. Even if you never needed it.

When you are offered Hakarl, DO NOT EAT IT. Funny-Fun-Ha-Ha foreign food is best left for the dolts on Globe Trekker; this stuff is shark meat that has been buried and left to putrefy for up to six minths. 1) Bury. 2) One of these. 3) Eat.

"No Takk Fyrir" is your apt response.

Try instead Skyr. I'm sure there's fish that hasnt been rotting for 180 days in that white, gurty goodness somewhere.

Do not critize the weather. And don't neglect your takk fyrir's when applicable.

Notices of Freddie Mercury: Zanzibar

This Beautiful Isle:

Begat this Beautiful, Beautiful Man:

Quod Me Nutrit Me Destruit

2008-10-08T18:03:00.000-04:00

Was just perusing the Paris RTW fashion shows and came across Louis Vuitton, and...um...

I AM NOT READY FOR THIS YET:

Marc?! Are you responsible for this?

By no means would I say I have "classic" tastes...I've got a dumb, angular haircut...self-inflicted. It looks exactly like this:

Now imagine me in the late 80s, trying to convince my pin-straight hair to wrap itself around crunchy mall bangs. There was disillusionment...despair..split ends...

It's these two decades of resentment that made me start at this permy abortion of a hairdo, squeak, and swear to track down the stylists responsible and embalm them with Ogilvie.

More terror on the runway:

Possibly the CyberGeishaPanMerryLostBoy defended her head with that big ol bag.

Firm Grasp on Foreign Policy Also Not Required

2008-09-30T21:20:00.000-04:00

los angeles craigslist > SF valley > adult gigs

please flag with care:

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NEED SARAH PALIN LOOKALIKE ASAP FOR ADULT FILM (LA)

Reply to: gigs-836109998@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-09-10, 8:20PM PDT

Looking for a Sarah Palin lookalike for an adult film to be shot in next 10 days.

Major adult studio.

Please send pix, stats etc. ASAP

Pay: $2000-3000

No anal required

Phew. That is WAYYY better.

Yes, There Were Penis Straws, But Not That Many.

2008-09-29T13:34:00.000-04:00

Ok. I realize two in a row is excessive, but bear with me - this is the last time I mention this stuff for a while. I attended a bachelorette party this weekend, which was mostly populated by women who are allergic to the very concept of bachelorette parties:

As you can see, nobody died from Sarcastic Ego Inflamation. In fact, I'd say we handled ourselves admirably, with a high ratio of karaoke/dancing/bull-riding participation.

While I'm loathe to burden this blog with the gritty little details of my daily life, please allow me to make this one exception, because I'm pretty sure if you actually have A VIDEO OF YOURSELF RIDING A MECHANICAL BULL, you really ought to put it on your blog.

Especially if you're this fly doing it.

To Have And To Holding Pattern

2008-09-23T11:44:00.000-04:00

Ok, seriously. What IS this?? All the girls around me suddenly have the Matrimonial Fever. It's not Spring and it's not the mid-20th Century, so why are so many of my snarky sisteren suddenly married, engaged, as-good-as-engaged, or at least trying on wedding dresses "just for fun"?!

I say it's either a heretofore undocumented effect of global warming (and we're unconsciously scrambling to git all the gittin' done before we're toaster strudels), or, and this is a bit more frightening, I'm beginning to think maybe 28 is our generation's Event Horizon...that at this point you either make a really big deal about your pairing off (the wedding) or you resign yourself to the serial monogamist perm-circuit, squeezing back into those J Brands year after year until the apple bottom falls out.

If the following gown from Monique Lhuilier's Spring 09 collection looks like a hot wedding dress to you (like it does to me and Deirdre), you may be a latter transitioning to a former...

...and you could probably benefit from a bit of reprogramming.

I want you to meditate on the following images, and when you're done, I want you to go to the bank, withdraw that 10K dress-fund, and do the following:

1. buy a motorcycle
2. kidnap best friend
3. drive to Mexico

Celebrities...they're just like us!!

2008-09-19T17:50:00.000-04:00

Except I look where I'm going.

Gross dude.

By now you'll have realized that Freddie Mercury Fridays have been very lo-key for the past couple of weeks. Kind of AWOL, actually.

It's important that you realize, however, that EVERY FRIDAY IS FREDDIE MERCURY FRIDAY.

You see? The power was inside you! It was inside you all along!!

NOW GET OUT THERE AND STRUT!!

How white are we?

2008-09-18T01:46:00.001-04:00

It's very late and I'm doing my Life Drawing homework...I know, right? I have homework in a class where I draw LIVE NUDE MODELS. It positively boggles.

I apparently also decided to explore how TOTALLY WHITE I AM, and have been watching Annie Lennox and Kate Bush videos on Youtube with one eye, the other trained on this...skeleton I'm drawing out of a book. I know. Still boggles.

I very soon realized, despite my opinion that Kate Bush's Hounds of Love is the Second Best Album of All Time, that I had never actually seen a video from her. Now that I've explored her efforts in this department, I very much...VERY MUCH wish I never had. I am suddenly illumined as to why she only made it big in the UK.

[Spoiler Alert]

In the following video, there's this flappy choreographed part where you're going to be like, "Oh, she's kidding! What a relief." But then these guys in Aborigine black face are birthed from the dirt and you're like, "Oh. Oh god Kate." Watch for Lorenzo Lamas in the back there:

I present to you Kate Bush's Dreaming. Put it on mute if you must.

I know, RIGHT?! You're like, "Hold on, wait, what? REEEEALLY? Nawwww." And I'm like, "Swear, dude. Can hardly believe it myself."

Big Brown Beautiful Bear

2008-09-11T23:04:00.000-04:00

This has absolutely nothing to do with fashion or Fashion Week. It has everything to do with a big ol beautiful brown bear. From the weird and wonderful brain of our friend Derek to you:

Tales From the Treadmill

2008-09-09T16:37:00.000-04:00

So I was jogging at the gym for, like, four minutes this morning (still managed to be 15 late for work...guess I should've skipped the butt-press-powered time machine they just installed...) and caught Rachel Zoe's interview on the Today Show, promoting her show, The Rachel Zoe Project on Bravo.

Honestly, I don't give an XOXO metallic hobo bag about her. I don't read Perezhilton, I don't talk about babybumps, and I have never seen an episode of The Hills (ok, saw a part of one once). Since I assume that represents the scope of her powers, it never even really occurred to me to look into her, but I've been googling her a little, and this is pretty much all I've found:

According to the good readers of TV.com,

Rachel's nickname is Lettuce Cup.
Rachel wanted to dance at Studio 54 and fly to exotic destinations.
Rachel earns about $6,000 a day.
Rachel worked as a stylist for YM magazine in 1996.
Rachel graduated from George Washington University in 1993, majoring in sociology and psycholody.

No, really, that's it. All the rest of my google journalism resulted in me finding out what she eats (fish and vegetables),and people calling her a rat face with, like, stringy hair and other such nonsense.

Yeah, I know it ain't exactly flattering, but honestly, Lettuce Cup, you looked pretty alright in this morning's interview. I've got some totally rough pics floating around myself.

Fashion Weak

2008-09-05T12:39:00.000-04:00

So New York's Mercedes Benz Fashion Week started last Friday, and I've thus far done a pretty bang-up job of avoiding all things fashiony. (Other than rsvp to the Alexander Wang afterparty and proceed not attend...saw the photos, though, and it looked kinda stinky.)

So cute. Couldn't you just go in for a sweaty little nibble?

I'm not above a little NYC pride when our fashion weeks roll around, even if this is technically a lean year for the biz, and I'm also technically still against the unforgivably conspicuous consumption of the entire spectacle. This year a couple open slots in the Atelier schedule means time for a free protein bar for all the hungry fashion assistants, and when else are you going to find time to go to the Perrier-Jouet VIP room and suck down a free magnum? Now THAT is my type of conspicuous consumption.

Another element of fashion week I find enthralling is Pantone's release of the "colors of the season," i.e. what you'll be seeing draped across the shoulders of hot young things come next Easter...if you live in a glamorous world that recycles their wardrobe every three months. It's a lot of work.

Personally, I've been too busy to hate on any of the shows yet, so in lieu of this, I'm gonna hate on Rose Dust, Pantone #14-1307. Like, seriously, NOBODY can wear that color. Maybe pair it with the Fuschia Red up there and we'll talk.

IN A WORLD...where something happens, and something else totally out of the normal happens at the same time...

2008-09-03T01:28:00.000-04:00

Oh Don LaFontaine, how we'll miss you ...seriously. The god of the voiceover passed on to the other side yesterday, as did our hope of ever again finding out what kind of world we're living, what's happening this summer, or who's come to save us all. We're pretty much doomed. (Also, they're totally going to have to stop running that MegaMillions Lotto commercial with him and all the other famous voiceover actors.)

Good Morning Don LaFontaine
Uploaded by atormentado74

In an Aubergenian homage to the passing of this surprisingly influential actor, the following is a smattering of other famous people that, had they died yesterday, would've made us say, "Oh, wait...really? Wow. Weird." In no particular order:

Margaret Cho:

George Wendt:

Or, rather, George Wendt:

Rhonda Schear:

Mrs. Fields

The Undertaker:

I know I've been a little list-happy here, so as a reward for your patronage and patience, I give you:

Patriot Games

2008-09-03T01:14:00.000-04:00

I've gotta say I really do look forward to Freddie Mercury Friday. I mean, look at him! He's so active! So contemporary!

You know he probably wore that to a Democratic Convention Viewing Party last night and then pulled a party-all-nighter. Trooper's probably on hour 50 by now. Go America!

Almost Famous

2008-08-28T23:20:00.000-04:00

Oh hi. It's me. The famous one.

...

Ok, fine, almost famous. I was interviewed for Style.com's party fashion section whilst at the the Olympic Opening Ceremonies party at Opening Ceremonies. I know, late pass, but be glad I'm telling you at all.

So I didn't make it to the final cut, which would have hurt a little if NUMBER ONE: I hadn't had a curious feud with their photo editor a couple years ago, and NUMBER TWO: I hadn't been trumped by:

wearing Marc Jacobs, YSL shoes, and partial (tattoo) sleeves,

wearing tight-rolled vintage Gitanos and some hair, and

wearing a Henrik Vibskov shirt, APC skirt, shoes by Chloe, and maaaaybe a smidge of pretention. Ok, totally a smidge.

I was wearing a Forever 21 top, Thai fisherman (read: peasant) pants, and Urban Outfitters shoes. The interviewer would get a glimmer of hope and be like, "Ok, your hair, who cuts your hair?" and I'm like, "oh, yeah, that. I cut it." And then "Ooook...so where are your earrings from?" "Oh, um, I think Claire's. My friend sent them to me."

So while Anna clearly wouldn't/didn't approve of my Big Lots Chic, I still thinks it's safe to say I MADE THE VIDEO:

CHECK

OUTTHAT GESTURE

That's me in the back, with the floppy arms, talking to the talented Jason Wishnow. Here, look for yourself. You'll know me by being the only thing moving in the whole damned video:

Schooled by my own ambition

2008-08-25T11:55:00.000-04:00

I had a pretty intensive summer course at FIT that ended a month ago, so I was really JUST beginning to get comfortable in my summerskin...and suddenly today's the first day of Fall Semester. I felt like I was making The Preparations all weekend - getting my life in order, bidding my friends farewell (until December), mentally preparing myself for the crossover...

I have a full-time job, and then will be at school until 10 every night, but I can't really complain. I adore learning this crap. When most people go back to school in their late 20s, it's to get an MBA or some other such useful nonsense. I chose to go back and get an Associates...in Fashion Design. I know, right? What kind of a self-indulgent marshmallow would I be to complain about THAT?

Not that it's easy. I'm averaging two all-nighters a month. But you know, pimpin ain't easy either. Sometimes there are sacrifices for being so bloody fabulous.

In addition to the reward of opening my new school supplies today (you are SO jealous of me and my new pencils), I allowed myself to post the following picture, as a first-day-of-school indulgence:

Isn't that a teeny little stroke of aubergenious?

For Reasons Unknown Afterparty!!!

2008-08-23T16:04:00.000-04:00

2008-08-21T12:12:00.000-04:00

I know holiday snaps are always a little dull, but I guess I have to explain the extended post absense. I was here:

Getting spa treatments in this:

Looking at that:

Sippin on the following:

And you know what? My company paid for every last drop of Dom. Don't hate.

As you can imagine, I'm feeling pretty relaxed today, so I'm going to lay off the snark for a moment and give you something that's actually useful for once:

Colette To Open Pop-Up Store in Gap Space
August 19, 2008

Colette, the Paris-based fashion brand, is teaming up with San Francisco-based Gap Inc. to bring its fashion wares to the United States for the first time. Colette is opening a pop-up store in Gap's rotating concept space, located adjacent to its flagship store on Fifth AVenue and 54th Street in New York. Open from Sept. 6 to Oct. 5, the pop-up shop will include artist-created T-shirts, denim jackets customized by Olympia Le Tan and souvenirs by Kuntzel + Deygas, who are also creating the store's video projection.

Don't let it go to your head.

I'm Tired of You Saying No.

2008-08-12T22:32:00.000-04:00

Know what? I think you need an attitude adjustment.

c/o my damie, Kat

Label Whores II: Olympic Weightlifters Edition

2008-08-11T22:30:00.000-04:00

1. Prapawadee Jaroenrattanatarakoon of Thailand. She won the gold in the women's 53kg...whatever the hell that is...you win gold if you can pronounce it.

2. Triyatno of Indonesia, bronze medalist in the 62kg (whatever the moderately heavier hell that is). Cindy. Naomi. Gisele. Triyatno:

3. Nurcan Taylan of Turkey, DNF in the 48kg. DNF, huh? Well, ok, whatever. Your name is cute.

3. Yoon Jinhee of South Korea, silver medalist in the 53kg. The name isn't really that fun - I honestly just liked this picture:

Looks like my mom when she's pissed at me.

Label Whores

2008-08-07T23:58:00.000-04:00

The only thing more mutable than that elusive denim shape of the millisecond is that elusive fresh face of the modeling industry. Oh, and by the way, you can make the slim jeans = overstuffed sausage argument all you want, but your bell bottoms make you look like Fat Tyra in a Fat Suit:

Hope you kept the receipt.

But I most impressively digress.

Models of the moment. Yes. From the Sashas to the Dauls to the Agyness...es...keeping up with the GoGirls makes Sisyphus look like a whiny little stone baby. It's a lost cause to argue who's the prettiest, because really, they're all effing pretty OK? Even the ugly ones. (I'm looking at you, Lily)

The Aubergenius proposes a new criteria on which to judge these already viciously judged, finitely careered young man and ladies. Their names! Here are six of my favorites, in no particular order:

1. Alek Wek. I know, I know, you probably think that's an easy one, but do you even know what "wek" is? Okay, fine, it's spelled "weck." But whatever. It's a salty roll. Don't her cheeks look like delicious salty rolls?

2. Chanel Iman. It's almost unfair, really, since the unspeakable glamour attached to both of her names isn't hers, but honestly neither Chanel nor Iman is especially "fresh." Chanel Iman, however, is fresh as dew on a dandelion, so it's an appealing contrast:

3. Egle Tviburtaite. Because, seriously. What IS that??

4. Taylor Fuchs. I know, I know, I'm 13. But don't act like "I'll bet he does" doesn't run through your head every time you hear it.

5. Brooklyn Decker. I know, I don't especially like her either, but she sounds like she's in the Roller Derby! Actually, come to think of it, she kind of looks like it too...

6. Farrokh Bulsara. Who's that, you ask? Only the birth name of our most honored of guests here, on this beautiful Freddie Mercury Friday!!

Huzzah!

Moist. Wet. Moist and Wet. Wet. Wet Moist.

2008-08-02T13:00:00.000-04:00

It's pretty wet outside today, but don't take my word for it.

Mystery Shopper

2008-07-28T22:55:00.000-04:00

So when I told a fashionable little birdie at the Seize sur Vingt...

"ya brahhhh Seize it"

...party last night about what I was posting about next, namely "EXOTIC" Produce, he implied that it just wasn't up to the Aubergenius Sexy Standards. I mean, that is just...hahah...I mean, god...how felonious.

I sometimes find myself wandering like a pig in the sunshine in Whole Foods, throwing the things that least resemble canned peaches and bodega beans into my basket, and I have to tell you, I happen to find the sunchoke VERY sexy:

Yeah, I know, that's reaching. It also took me all day to write this post. Seeing as I'm all about, as well as unable to get enough of, The Sexy, it can be determined that exotic vegetation does not, indeed, have much to do with the sexy. As this proof clearly states:

Ok Gabe, you win this round. Whatever, it's Freddie Mercury Friday anyway, and who can be bothered with fruits?

Tonight he's going to a White Party at Gold Bar:

Effing fabulous, Freddie. Oh, speaking of fabulous Freds, here's our dear Fred doing an excellent Lima-handling job. Hi Fred!! Admirable grip. Check out his bag: I'm pretty sure Fred's Secret was the 8 caipirinhas on the plane.

We Are The Champions

2008-07-28T11:10:00.000-04:00

Yeah yeah, I know last week's Freddie Mercury Friday went by without even a Scaramouche...and I know how much you look forward to these things...but you know, the only thing lamer than US missing out on FMF is ME missing out on the BEAUTIFUL NYC Summer Friday. Really, gotta look out for number one over here.

But since I know it's important to you, I present to you the first Fake Freddie Mercury Monday:

Oh and speaking of CHAMPIONS, my friends and I participated in a FIELD DAY this past Saturday, and we, The Yellow Team, The Golden Gods, Team Sunshine, did indeed dominate.

Check out these winners (weiners):

Yes, Yes, But What Does It MEAN

2008-07-23T17:36:00.000-04:00

Can I tell you about my dream two nights ago? I know, I know. Everybody hates it when you tell them about dreams (unless it's about them), but IT LOOKED LIKE THIS:

Actually, it looked more like that mixed with this:

Which equals THIS:

Let me explain. In the dream my girlfriends and I had all decided to grow facial hair. Mine was this thick, silky, wildly luxurious thing that I couldn't stop running my fingers through. A couple friends had gotten creative, but nothing more ambitious than a baby Fu-Manchu. It was summer, we were in shorts and playsuits, fanning ourselves, waiting for the train.

Suddenly I saw this beautiful friend of mine that I haven't seen in a coon's age, and she's also got this thick, full blond beard and I'm like, "Holy shit Jessie! Hi! You've got a beard too!" And I want to tell her she looks marvelous, but I'm struck with the realization that this girlbeard trend is just GHASTLY. Suddenly I'm WRETCHED with shame at having this beard, and can barely stomach the idea of even riding home on public transit to shave it off.

Then I woke up.

But what does it meeeean?

It may mean that even though I THINK I like these little Sold Out trousers here:

I should probably just leave the poopie pants to the Finns.

This post is dedicated to this Finnish child, who can wear whatever the fuck he wants whenever he wants:

The Top Ten Wildlife We Did NOT See While Camping in Taconic State Park This Weekend

2008-07-21T10:23:00.000-04:00

10. Osprey

9. Bobcat

8. Deer

7. Black Bear
(You MUST check out the old man walk at :24)

6. Wild Turkey

5. Beaver

4. Aye Aye

3. Cougar

2. This Bag

1. Subway Rodent

Thispiration

2008-07-18T12:33:00.000-04:00

So I just joined my first big-girl gym, at $75 a month (New York Sports Club), and I admit I'm torn. My other gym was/is a $25-per-month,zero amenity cabbie hole, populated by body builders, the aforementioned cabbies, and, occasionally, Amanda LePore doing pelvic thrust floor exercises.

Honest to gawd, the spectacle of her with her legs propped up on a yoga ball doing pelvic thrusts is pretty much the only thing that's ever kept me on the stair machine for longer than 10 minutes...but I can't really depend on her to be there when I need her.

I'm sorry things just didn't work out, Amanda, but I've decided to seek my thinspiration elsewhere. Namely, Project Runway reruns at the eliptical:

Oh, and in case you forgot ALREADY, it's FREDDIE MERCURY FRIDAY!!!

Amanda, eat your stony little heart out!

DRRRRRRRMM.

2008-07-15T20:36:00.000-04:00

I usually hate goddamn hippies. But these foreign flora fornicators make me happy; must be the rcfghdykvik in them. [Note fff nestled in crotch of tree]

Sigur Ros - Gobbledigook

This feller has to duct tape the headphones to his head. That's gumption!

Archie Bronson Outfit - Kink, at Gigantic studios during CMJ 06

This is a brilliant electric spark discharging all over a man. Over and over again.

Lightning Bolt - no idea what this song is

Worth waiting through Nels' noise machine... Glenn Kotche. Better known as "The Kooch" from his frat days in '88 at Indiana St. University.

Wilco drummer and guitarist making shit up as they go.

Buunch 'o muppets.

Man Man

Did you see him hit the high hat. No. You didn't. Watch it again.

Battles (and formerly Helmet) drummer John Stanier

The hahahappiest of them all; she is not afraid of you and will beat your ass.

Matt and Kim - Yea Yeah

TGIFMF!!!

2008-07-11T12:02:00.000-04:00

The divine Miss Corley, Carpathian Kittenloss Animal Reporter, rotates weekly observance of Hedgehog/Weird Animal Friday. I do hereby shamelessly gank the idea, and declare Fridays here at The Aubergenius to be FREDDIE MERCURY FRIDAYS!!! Holy shit, I know, I'm excited too.

In honor of this shimmering mythical beast of a man, and also of this FIRST FRIDAY, I'm letting the internal nerd have her way with this post, and sharing with you the reason I really...REALLY....started to love Queen. It is the title track to the acclaimed USA TV series Highlander, starring the illustriously pectoralled Adrian Paul. Christopher Lambert, the original Highlander from the 1986 movie, was a less-opulent, squirrely Roger Moore to Adrian's Sean Connery (ironically a cast member in the 86 film version), but I couldn't find a video with the entire opening credits song with him in it. So, please exercise your imaginations, let Adrian's blue steel here burn hole in your retina,

and pretend he's the one weilding the saber in the Highlander title track, Queen's PRINCES OF THE UNIVERSE:

(I found "Princess of the Universe" to be a rather endearing typo, in context.)

UPDATE!!!

Now that you've listened to that EPIC song 8 times in a row, you too can be Freddie! EVERYBODY NOW!!

Queen - Princes of the universe (Highlander theme clip)
Uploaded by bajbaj31

Goodnight Johnny, and thanks for all the laughs.

2008-07-10T00:03:00.000-04:00

On June 27th, Dame John Galliano planted another punky little pipe bomb on men's fashion (oh god.), with his Spring 09 men's collection, devoted to...em...well...either how he wished he looked in weird shit, or Carrot Top.

I definitely appreciate his vision for women, so to be fair I must point out the relative youth of his men's line (started in 04, I believe?). That said, allow me, self-appointed citizen-elect of the peanut gallery, to remind us all that there is no half life to the asininity of a Galliano men's collection.

I know, I know, it's not your birthday, but I'm giving you a treat anyway:

Fall 08:

Spring 08:

I think Fall o7's theme was dirty dick:

(observe the coneboob comeback)

Spring 07:

... honestly, Spring 07's highlight was le petite fromage himself:

I mean...BAM.

Fall o6:

While the idea of wrapping giant Ron Perlman's hiking socks up around one's face is unique...

...it's also disgusting.

Not making cookies in a tree somewhere:

Spring 06:

TAKE

A

BATH.

Fall 05:

An appropriate tableau:

Blind

2008-07-03T13:15:00.001-04:00

Fronted by antony of johnsons' fame - premiered at Studio B back in May...

Hercules and Love Affair. He sounds like a black woman. who may or may not be blind.

Hairy

2008-07-01T15:32:00.000-04:00

So I saw these on Jezebel the other day - hair hats by aubegenius art director and possibly all-around silly person Nagi Noda. For some people, the 99th percentile of glamorously weird just comes naturally - raised on, like, magical Japanese super-fun-go-go future sprouts, she reminds me of how utterly 98th percentile I am at the moment. Best get to work if I'm ever going to coerce this from my brain:

But before this, it did get me to thinking about...em...things made of hair.

Check out these lovely ladies and their rather inspired human hair frocks:

Marquesan cannibals are quite the progressive dressers, wouldn't you say? Paleofuturistic caveman, replete with human thigh bone accountrements. So hot right now, don't you just want to eat them up?

And while we're on the appetizing subject of wearing a stranger's cast-off keratin:

This one is from Artidjana, and apparently took 165 feet of blond human hair. It's unspecified whethr or not it's NATURAL blond, but considering the rumor that blonds are going to be extinct by the year 2012
I feel that it's highly unlikely.

Family jewels, peasant-style...

And then there's this moving hair tribute to Cuba, found in the Hunterdon Art Museum. Expert craftsmanship, intuitive design...kind of lovely, isn't it? Right???

WRONG.

Ugh. So gross.

Eggplant porn:

2008-06-30T18:01:00.000-04:00

<--con sabor latino

Barely legal: