Yes, Yes, But What Does It MEAN

Can I tell you about my dream two nights ago? I know, I know. Everybody hates it when you tell them about dreams (unless it's about them), but IT LOOKED LIKE THIS:





Actually, it looked more like that mixed with this:

Which equals THIS:

Let me explain. In the dream my girlfriends and I had all decided to grow facial hair. Mine was this thick, silky, wildly luxurious thing that I couldn't stop running my fingers through. A couple friends had gotten creative, but nothing more ambitious than a baby Fu-Manchu. It was summer, we were in shorts and playsuits, fanning ourselves, waiting for the train.

Suddenly I saw this beautiful friend of mine that I haven't seen in a coon's age, and she's also got this thick, full blond beard and I'm like, "Holy shit Jessie! Hi! You've got a beard too!" And I want to tell her she looks marvelous, but I'm struck with the realization that this girlbeard trend is just GHASTLY. Suddenly I'm WRETCHED with shame at having this beard, and can barely stomach the idea of even riding home on public transit to shave it off.

Then I woke up.

But what does it meeeean?

It may mean that even though I THINK I like these little Sold Out trousers here:



I should probably just leave the poopie pants to the Finns.


This post is dedicated to this Finnish child, who can wear whatever the fuck he wants whenever he wants: