To Have And To Holding Pattern

Ok, seriously. What IS this?? All the girls around me suddenly have the Matrimonial Fever. It's not Spring and it's not the mid-20th Century, so why are so many of my snarky sisteren suddenly married, engaged, as-good-as-engaged, or at least trying on wedding dresses "just for fun"?!

I say it's either a heretofore undocumented effect of global warming (and we're unconsciously scrambling to git all the gittin' done before we're toaster strudels), or, and this is a bit more frightening, I'm beginning to think maybe 28 is our generation's Event Horizon...that at this point you either make a really big deal about your pairing off (the wedding) or you resign yourself to the serial monogamist perm-circuit, squeezing back into those J Brands year after year until the apple bottom falls out.

If the following gown from Monique Lhuilier's Spring 09 collection looks like a hot wedding dress to you (like it does to me and Deirdre), you may be a latter transitioning to a former...


...and you could probably benefit from a bit of reprogramming.

I want you to meditate on the following images, and when you're done, I want you to go to the bank, withdraw that 10K dress-fund, and do the following:

1. buy a motorcycle
2. kidnap best friend
3. drive to Mexico

Celebrities...they're just like us!!

Except I look where I'm going.



Gross dude.


By now you'll have realized that Freddie Mercury Fridays have been very lo-key for the past couple of weeks. Kind of AWOL, actually.

It's important that you realize, however, that EVERY FRIDAY IS FREDDIE MERCURY FRIDAY.


You see? The power was inside you! It was inside you all along!!

NOW GET OUT THERE AND STRUT!!

How white are we?

It's very late and I'm doing my Life Drawing homework...I know, right? I have homework in a class where I draw LIVE NUDE MODELS. It positively boggles.

I apparently also decided to explore how TOTALLY WHITE I AM, and have been watching Annie Lennox and Kate Bush videos on Youtube with one eye, the other trained on this...skeleton I'm drawing out of a book. I know. Still boggles.

I very soon realized, despite my opinion that Kate Bush's Hounds of Love is the Second Best Album of All Time, that I had never actually seen a video from her. Now that I've explored her efforts in this department, I very much...VERY MUCH wish I never had. I am suddenly illumined as to why she only made it big in the UK.

[Spoiler Alert]

In the following video, there's this flappy choreographed part where you're going to be like, "Oh, she's kidding! What a relief." But then these guys in Aborigine black face are birthed from the dirt and you're like, "Oh. Oh god Kate." Watch for Lorenzo Lamas in the back there:



I present to you Kate Bush's Dreaming. Put it on mute if you must.



I know, RIGHT?! You're like, "Hold on, wait, what? REEEEALLY? Nawwww." And I'm like, "Swear, dude. Can hardly believe it myself."

Big Brown Beautiful Bear

This has absolutely nothing to do with fashion or Fashion Week. It has everything to do with a big ol beautiful brown bear. From the weird and wonderful brain of our friend Derek to you:

Tales From the Treadmill

So I was jogging at the gym for, like, four minutes this morning (still managed to be 15 late for work...guess I should've skipped the butt-press-powered time machine they just installed...) and caught Rachel Zoe's interview on the Today Show, promoting her show, The Rachel Zoe Project on Bravo.





Honestly, I don't give an XOXO metallic hobo bag about her. I don't read Perezhilton, I don't talk about babybumps, and I have never seen an episode of The Hills (ok, saw a part of one once). Since I assume that represents the scope of her powers, it never even really occurred to me to look into her, but I've been googling her a little, and this is pretty much all I've found:

According to the good readers of TV.com,


Rachel's nickname is Lettuce Cup.
Rachel wanted to dance at Studio 54 and fly to exotic destinations.
Rachel earns about $6,000 a day.
Rachel worked as a stylist for YM magazine in 1996.
Rachel graduated from George Washington University in 1993, majoring in sociology and psycholody.



No, really, that's it. All the rest of my google journalism resulted in me finding out what she eats (fish and vegetables),and people calling her a rat face with, like, stringy hair and other such nonsense.



Yeah, I know it ain't exactly flattering, but honestly, Lettuce Cup, you looked pretty alright in this morning's interview. I've got some totally rough pics floating around myself.

Fashion Weak

So New York's Mercedes Benz Fashion Week started last Friday, and I've thus far done a pretty bang-up job of avoiding all things fashiony. (Other than rsvp to the Alexander Wang afterparty and proceed not attend...saw the photos, though, and it looked kinda stinky.)

So cute. Couldn't you just go in for a sweaty little nibble?


I'm not above a little NYC pride when our fashion weeks roll around, even if this is technically a lean year for the biz, and I'm also technically still against the unforgivably conspicuous consumption of the entire spectacle. This year a couple open slots in the Atelier schedule means time for a free protein bar for all the hungry fashion assistants, and when else are you going to find time to go to the Perrier-Jouet VIP room and suck down a free magnum? Now THAT is my type of conspicuous consumption.

Another element of fashion week I find enthralling is Pantone's release of the "colors of the season," i.e. what you'll be seeing draped across the shoulders of hot young things come next Easter...if you live in a glamorous world that recycles their wardrobe every three months. It's a lot of work.




Personally, I've been too busy to hate on any of the shows yet, so in lieu of this, I'm gonna hate on Rose Dust, Pantone #14-1307. Like, seriously, NOBODY can wear that color. Maybe pair it with the Fuschia Red up there and we'll talk.

IN A WORLD...where something happens, and something else totally out of the normal happens at the same time...

Oh Don LaFontaine, how we'll miss you ...seriously. The god of the voiceover passed on to the other side yesterday, as did our hope of ever again finding out what kind of world we're living, what's happening this summer, or who's come to save us all. We're pretty much doomed. (Also, they're totally going to have to stop running that MegaMillions Lotto commercial with him and all the other famous voiceover actors.)

Good Morning Don LaFontaine
Uploaded by atormentado74

In an Aubergenian homage to the passing of this surprisingly influential actor, the following is a smattering of other famous people that, had they died yesterday, would've made us say, "Oh, wait...really? Wow. Weird." In no particular order:

Margaret Cho:



George Wendt:



Or, rather, George Wendt:



Rhonda Schear:




Mrs. Fields



The Undertaker:





I know I've been a little list-happy here, so as a reward for your patronage and patience, I give you:

Patriot Games

I've gotta say I really do look forward to Freddie Mercury Friday. I mean, look at him! He's so active! So contemporary!



You know he probably wore that to a Democratic Convention Viewing Party last night and then pulled a party-all-nighter. Trooper's probably on hour 50 by now. Go America!

Almost Famous

Oh hi. It's me. The famous one.

...


Ok, fine, almost famous. I was interviewed for Style.com's party fashion section whilst at the the Olympic Opening Ceremonies party at Opening Ceremonies. I know, late pass, but be glad I'm telling you at all.

So I didn't make it to the final cut, which would have hurt a little if NUMBER ONE: I hadn't had a curious feud with their photo editor a couple years ago, and NUMBER TWO: I hadn't been trumped by:


wearing Marc Jacobs, YSL shoes, and partial (tattoo) sleeves,



wearing tight-rolled vintage Gitanos and some hair, and

wearing a Henrik Vibskov shirt, APC skirt, shoes by Chloe, and maaaaybe a smidge of pretention. Ok, totally a smidge.

I was wearing a Forever 21 top, Thai fisherman (read: peasant) pants, and Urban Outfitters shoes. The interviewer would get a glimmer of hope and be like, "Ok, your hair, who cuts your hair?" and I'm like, "oh, yeah, that. I cut it." And then "Ooook...so where are your earrings from?" "Oh, um, I think Claire's. My friend sent them to me."

So while Anna clearly wouldn't/didn't approve of my Big Lots Chic, I still thinks it's safe to say I MADE THE VIDEO:

CHECK

OUTTHAT GESTURE

That's me in the back, with the floppy arms, talking to the talented Jason Wishnow. Here, look for yourself. You'll know me by being the only thing moving in the whole damned video:

Schooled by my own ambition

I had a pretty intensive summer course at FIT that ended a month ago, so I was really JUST beginning to get comfortable in my summerskin...and suddenly today's the first day of Fall Semester. I felt like I was making The Preparations all weekend - getting my life in order, bidding my friends farewell (until December), mentally preparing myself for the crossover...

I have a full-time job, and then will be at school until 10 every night, but I can't really complain. I adore learning this crap. When most people go back to school in their late 20s, it's to get an MBA or some other such useful nonsense. I chose to go back and get an Associates...in Fashion Design. I know, right? What kind of a self-indulgent marshmallow would I be to complain about THAT?

Not that it's easy. I'm averaging two all-nighters a month. But you know, pimpin ain't easy either. Sometimes there are sacrifices for being so bloody fabulous.

In addition to the reward of opening my new school supplies today (you are SO jealous of me and my new pencils), I allowed myself to post the following picture, as a first-day-of-school indulgence:



Isn't that a teeny little stroke of aubergenious?