Monday, December 22, 2008

Skin deep

Oh baby, I didn't mean to leave you. Sometimes mummy just needs a month-long cocktail break to sand down those rough edges.

Today's topic: Hot designers who are actually hot. Keeping in mind designers are just regular old working folk like you and me (well...maybe you, anyway), it's kind of a genetic coup when they manage to wrestle the brains AND the beauty nod from their hypercritical peers. I guess they say it's the inside that counts, but I say THANK GOD FOR SKIN!

Charlotte Ronson:

It's not so much her face, though she's cute's those bangin stems, always teetering on the high high heels. Bam! Bam!

Chris Benz:

Is this a headshot for his Twilight audition?

Alice Temperley:

This is actually a really good photo of her, but she's so English countryside fresh anyway, don't you want to throw on some wellies and chase her down the bridleway all afternoon?

Laura Poretzky of Abaete:

Just, you know, incontestably pretty. And her wardrobe is full of Abaete clothing, so she looks awesome all the time. Eff.

Hedi Slimane:

This one may not be for me, but it certainly is for every gay man born between '58 and the aughts.

Rachel Roy:

Man I wish I could hate her, but she looks SO NICE.

Georgio Armani:

Ok, know what? Whatever. He looks awesome.

Alexander Wang:

In this photo, I believe the sage is bestowing the wisdom of flawless déshabillé to his disciples.

Behnaz Sarafpour:

Shiny hair, firm tatas, glowing smile. She's not 23, but I think she's radiant.

Johnson Hartig and Cindy Greene of Libertine:

I guess you could say they err to the "average" side of cute, but they walk around with their dapper canine friend all like, 'hell, I'm not even gonna try to top Lulu's top hat there, I'm just gonna throw on this flight suit and 6 ties and be done with it."

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

What exactly is it that you do all day?

I go to F.I.T. for Fashion Design, but maintain a dayjob so I can support my ultra-glamorous lifestyle of going to work, running to school afterwards, then doing homework until 3am. I've had lots of friends ask me if I'm "done yet, for godsakes?", but I just started in January 08, so I think my friends are actually from the future. Neat.

Anyway. Here is the first draft of a design project I'm working on now for an art class. We had to pick a certain time period between 1600 and 1800, and use that as inspiration for one bridal and one evening gown. I chose 1600 to 1650. You wouldn't believe how hideous clothing was back then, so I figured I hadn't any face to lose on the design.

hubba hubba.

These are just a few of the rough drafts, but you get the idea:

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Iceland street fashion

Did you know all Icelandic girls look like fairies? They're all scathingly hot with perfect noses, and dress solely to amuse themselves. There's not enough room in the suitcase to keep up with them if you're just visiting, so it's probably just best to wear your little black outfit every night until it's too beer-stiff to climb into anymore, and leave the fantasy costuming to the professional elves.

Gabe, this is the only street photo I took, and also the point at which I decided that I was going to stop trying, because I'm no photographer, and just soak it alllll in, man.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Maybe I've turned into a little bit of a hater lately, but I really can't be blamed. Every time I turn around there's something new in my path that's very, very stupid. Today's topic: weird things involving eyeballs.

3: Eye jewelry. As in, a contact lens with tiny jewels or crystals dangling from it, attached by micro-thread. Thank artist Eric Klarenbeek for this one. Sure, he's an artist, but I'm not known for issuing artistic licenses, so I judge him as I judge you. Without mercy. As I see it, the basic function of jewelry is seduction...would you hit that??

2. Eyeball implants. Inexplicably cute little titanium objects (hearts, stars, clovers...more Lucky Charms than the usual body modification icons of, like, Satan) inserted into the surface of your eye. Yeah. Supposedly you could get this done in the Netherlands (surprising noone with that, I assume) in 02...this website would suggest it continues, in case this has awakened a burning desire in you.

1. Eyeball tattooing....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Know what, dude? And I'm sorry you had to get your effing eyeball tattooed before somebody told you this, but that thing you've done to yourself right there? That's permanent makeup. Might as well be trailer park eyebrows.

Just be glad I didn't post the pic of them actually DOING the procedure, kay.

La Mode Est Agaçante

I'm not going to apologize for being away for so long. I'm just not.

I am going to give you a special treat, however.

A peek into the world of fashion which you did not ask for and I very much doubt will appreciate: the incredible phenomena of the fashion aristocracy trying to out-do and out-irritate each other. Observing it in the wild, as the below video shows, is especially striking - watch how the children loiter in innocence and curiosity, so unknowingly close to the heart of darkness-of-indeterminate-age.

Fear not, you really only need to watch the first 15 seconds:

IN THE LEFT CORNER, we have Diane Pernet, who made her name as a fashion designer in the 80s, as a fashion journalist with Vogue and Elle, and with her fairy popular fashion blog, A Shaded View.

IN THE RIGHT CORNER, weighing in at what must be 400 lbs with that seasonably inappropriate fur, we have Catherine Baba, a widely recognized, though biographically stunted, stylist. Pretty sure she lives in France at the moment, but I would bet dollars to donuts she's American, somewhere deep, deep down. The accent sounds somewhat like a Long Island grandmother extolling the virtues of her French Provincial divan cover.

Who won, here? I think we should have a vote on this...

Friday, November 7, 2008

A big day for sticks everywhere

This isn't JUST an important time in American politics. This week the stick was inducted into the Toy Hall of Fame, joining other childhood favorites such as the bicycle and box.

Don't worry matches, your number will be up soon enough.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

So THIS is what hope feels like

Pretty unbelievable, huh?

So I did a little poking around and found out what I KNOW you all were wondering last night, as the adorable First Family-to-be filed, glowing and giggling, onto the stage. WHAT is Michelle Obama wearing? So bold, so unusual, so...well, kind of hard to look at on a tv screen...

(btw, I ganked the above from

It's Narciso Rodriguez, Spring 09, and whether I have particular le boeuf with this choice of outfit, I absolutely LOVE that we're going to have a strong, signature style in the White House. The family's so clean and cool and, though I don't necessarily support the term, all-American!

Reminds me of the following Verbal Cartoon from Dan Liebert:


A family is like the fingers of a hand: each finger is weak but together they can make a fist to beat up other families who don't know the "fist trick."

I'm a sucker for familial coordination myself, though one has to wonder how long the girls are going to stand for it.

I give the older one two more years before she shaves her head.



Tuesday, November 4, 2008


Unfortunately, in real life I received nothing, not a sticker or a pin, in exchange for fulfilling my civil responsibility. This may or may not affect my ability to collect on my free extra scoop at Ben & Jerry's today, but my elation at today FINALLY coming around is sweet enough. Also, my dresses have been a little tight lately.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My Extremely Fierce Friend Deirdre and I Do Iceland Airwaves Blue Lagoon Party

D and I went to the Iceland Airwaves music festival. I could tell you that she's my 24-Hour-Party Partner-In-Crime, but you really just have to look at this face to know you've got a fierce competitor here:

Most of the music-viewing kind of looked and felt like this:

Considering portraits of modestly successful Indie musicians are dull even when they're NOT taken from the back of the venue, I'll spare you those, and give you instead these photos of a rave on the moon.

Every year the Blue Lagoon hosts a dance/hangover party on Saturday - they bus you out from Reykjavik about 45 minutes to this spa facility. It's pretty much just for the tourists, but whatever.

The air was probably in the mid-30s, and the water was bath-warm but not hot. Deirdre says it's the only place you can get pregnant without having intercourse. It doesn't help that the mud at the bottom is this white, slimy silt.

Here she is, pondering immaculate conception:

Everyone was friendly... a weird kind of Burning Man way, if Burning Man was high on arctic circle air and Viking beer instead of idiotic legwear.

DJ Margeir was spinning housey stuff. It was ok - coulda done with maybe a little rock or hip hop, but the only move you could do in the water, really, was to jump up and down. Jay-Z probably would've just lead to confusion.

You had to get out of the water to get beer, which seemed somewhat sadistic of the planners.

By the end you were treading on plastic cups, but I don't want to sound like a hater (as per usual). It was nice and surreal.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Whoa where'd everybody go?

Ohhhh, that's right. Everybody went to Iceland! I've been back for a week, and while I'm still kind of reeling from the relative idiocy of taking three days off from school during midterms, boy oh boy am I happy to be here. Roughly this happy:

I have fun Icelandic things to bring back to you as well, but you'll have to wait on those til I pull my head out of my class. Here's a shadow puppet of things to come:

Friday, October 17, 2008

Notices of Ettiquette: Iceland

The attitude toward punctuality is more casual in Iceland than in other parts of Europe. You will be forgiven for lateness. Even if you never needed it.

When you are offered Hakarl, DO NOT EAT IT. Funny-Fun-Ha-Ha foreign food is best left for the dolts on Globe Trekker; this stuff is shark meat that has been buried and left to putrefy for up to six minths. 1) Bury. 2) One of these. 3) Eat.

"No Takk Fyrir" is your apt response.

Try instead Skyr. I'm sure there's fish that hasnt been rotting for 180 days in that white, gurty goodness somewhere.

Do not critize the weather. And don't neglect your takk fyrir's when applicable.

Notices of Freddie Mercury: Zanzibar

This Beautiful Isle:

Begat this Beautiful, Beautiful Man:

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Quod Me Nutrit Me Destruit

Was just perusing the Paris RTW fashion shows and came across Louis Vuitton,


Marc?! Are you responsible for this?

By no means would I say I have "classic" tastes...I've got a dumb, angular haircut...self-inflicted. It looks exactly like this:

Now imagine me in the late 80s, trying to convince my pin-straight hair to wrap itself around crunchy mall bangs. There was disillusionment...despair..split ends...

It's these two decades of resentment that made me start at this permy abortion of a hairdo, squeak, and swear to track down the stylists responsible and embalm them with Ogilvie.

More terror on the runway:

Possibly the CyberGeishaPanMerryLostBoy defended her head with that big ol bag.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Firm Grasp on Foreign Policy Also Not Required

los angeles craigslist > SF valley > adult gigs


Reply to: [?]
Date: 2008-09-10, 8:20PM PDT

Looking for a Sarah Palin lookalike for an adult film to be shot in next 10 days.

Major adult studio.

Please send pix, stats etc. ASAP

Pay: $2000-3000

No anal required

Phew. That is WAYYY better.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Yes, There Were Penis Straws, But Not That Many.

Ok. I realize two in a row is excessive, but bear with me - this is the last time I mention this stuff for a while. I attended a bachelorette party this weekend, which was mostly populated by women who are allergic to the very concept of bachelorette parties:

As you can see, nobody died from Sarcastic Ego Inflamation. In fact, I'd say we handled ourselves admirably, with a high ratio of karaoke/dancing/bull-riding participation.

While I'm loathe to burden this blog with the gritty little details of my daily life, please allow me to make this one exception, because I'm pretty sure if you actually have A VIDEO OF YOURSELF RIDING A MECHANICAL BULL, you really ought to put it on your blog.

Especially if you're this fly doing it.