Thursday, August 7, 2008

Label Whores

The only thing more mutable than that elusive denim shape of the millisecond is that elusive fresh face of the modeling industry. Oh, and by the way, you can make the slim jeans = overstuffed sausage argument all you want, but your bell bottoms make you look like Fat Tyra in a Fat Suit:

Hope you kept the receipt.

But I most impressively digress.

Models of the moment. Yes. From the Sashas to the Dauls to the up with the GoGirls makes Sisyphus look like a whiny little stone baby. It's a lost cause to argue who's the prettiest, because really, they're all effing pretty OK? Even the ugly ones. (I'm looking at you, Lily)

The Aubergenius proposes a new criteria on which to judge these already viciously judged, finitely careered young man and ladies. Their names! Here are six of my favorites, in no particular order:

1. Alek Wek. I know, I know, you probably think that's an easy one, but do you even know what "wek" is? Okay, fine, it's spelled "weck." But whatever. It's a salty roll. Don't her cheeks look like delicious salty rolls?

2. Chanel Iman. It's almost unfair, really, since the unspeakable glamour attached to both of her names isn't hers, but honestly neither Chanel nor Iman is especially "fresh." Chanel Iman, however, is fresh as dew on a dandelion, so it's an appealing contrast:

3. Egle Tviburtaite. Because, seriously. What IS that??

4. Taylor Fuchs. I know, I know, I'm 13. But don't act like "I'll bet he does" doesn't run through your head every time you hear it.

5. Brooklyn Decker. I know, I don't especially like her either, but she sounds like she's in the Roller Derby! Actually, come to think of it, she kind of looks like it too...

6. Farrokh Bulsara. Who's that, you ask? Only the birth name of our most honored of guests here, on this beautiful Freddie Mercury Friday!!


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